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  多年前,刚踏进工作单位的那一刻,我就被一个男客户的才华和自信所吸引。当时,他已婚并且有了孩子,我没有男朋友,只是一个涉世未深的女孩。

  知道我们之间不可能,我只能默默暗恋,从未在相处中表现出来,也从未主动示好,只是尽力把本职工作做好,以期赢得这个男人的关注和赞赏。外企的工作很累很辛苦要求又高,但我完成得很出色。

  我的年龄越来越大,在家人的催促下,匆匆相亲结婚生子。因为容貌出众,工作稳定,追求我的男孩很多,但我总觉我最欣赏的还是那个男客户。婚后的生活倒也平静,老公虽不及那个男客户那么出色,但很爱很爱我。我保留着内心的小秘密,平静地生活着。

  没想到,一次因工作原因与那个男客户单独相处时,他说喜欢我,还亲吻了我。我被巨大的幸福迷住了,明知社会伦理道德不允许,还是怀着飞蛾扑火的热情奔向他。我问他会不会娶我,他回答说:“相爱很美好,结婚一样也是油盐柴米,有点害怕。”的确,没有油盐柴米的相爱很美好,我俩很爱很爱地相处了六七年。期间,我多次问他:“未来怎么办?”他每次都以不想谈这么沉重的话题为由不答。

  从某一天开始,他忽然对我避而不见。理由是,他需要一段安静的时间去处理家里的事。我以为,他是要跟妻子离婚,离了婚自然会娶我。我真的很傻,经历了巨大的心理斗争后,决定追随他。于是,跟老公谈了分手,我什么也不要,只要带着孩子,因为我爱孩子。老公很宽厚,尽管痛苦,还是表示愿意放我走。

  就在我默默做着这一切时,我发现我心爱的男人之所以回避我,是因为又喜欢上了一个30岁的未婚剩女。他一开始还不承认,在我的逼问下,才说,他会离婚,也会再婚。但他没有信心面对一个和自己没有血缘关系的孩子,即使我离婚,他也不会娶我。

  我真的很痛苦,对他投入了全部感情,不惜孤注一掷,却被拒绝得这么彻底。我苦苦挣扎了很久,也没什么效果。我该放手吗?

  维情婚姻咨询师:

  你是典型的性情中人,为爱而生,为情不顾一切。从对那位已婚男的默默暗恋到婚后跟他持续六七年的婚外情,再到你不管不顾地要与老公离婚,渴望与挚爱的他携手婚姻,贯穿始终的是对他不变的情与爱。所以,尽管这份感情触犯法律道德,对不起老公和孩子,也伤害了那位男人的妻小,你还是执拗地坚持了下来。如果那个男人跟你有着对等的情爱,有着长相厮守的要求,你们各自离婚,守在一起也无可厚非。

  但在你孤注一掷时,他却对你说,他会离婚,也会再婚。但他没有信心面对一个和自己没有血缘关系的孩子,即使离婚,他也不会娶你。其实,他哪里是没有信心面对没有血缘关系的孩子,分明是不想跟你走入婚姻。如果不信,你不妨问问他,假如你把孩子交付给老公抚养,对孩子只履行支付抚养费和定期探视职责,他是否愿意跟你结婚?

  或者,你甘愿充当他情感的调剂品,不管他离不离婚,妻子是谁,都和他偷偷享受相爱的快乐,直至他彻底厌倦你,抛弃你为止;或者,你真心祈求老公的原谅,努力相夫教子,过一种平淡安适的婚姻生活;或者,你带着孩子拼出一条独立的路,另找一个真正爱你又爱你的孩子的男人。只有这三个选择,你自己好好衡量,哪条是自己最想要的?选择了就咬紧牙关往下走。维情网 何晴


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