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  我和老公结婚已经十几年,平时工作都比较忙,但是总体来说日子过得很平稳,但是老公是个急脾气,遇到困难或者不合他心意的事情,尤其因为工作上的问题就爱发脾气,每当这样的时候我也会控制不住自己跟他争辩,每次可想而知都是一通火山爆发,孩子几次都哭了。最近发现孩子突然变得不爱说话,我希望能改变这种情况让孩子有安全感,我们自己也能够改善关系。

  请问下次遇到了老公情绪不稳定,发脾气时我该如何为他解压,让他顺利度过难处呢?

  维情婚姻情感专家:

  这种情况对谁都是个难题,对方情绪不稳定、爱发脾气时,这时候的脾气往往都是针对自己或身边比较亲近的人,每个人的自尊心都会受到挑战,这种情况应对“坏脾气”都很难了,还要帮助对方舒缓情绪,缓解他的压力,和他一起度过难关,难度可想而知。建议采用如下思路:首先,稳定自己的情绪;其次,帮助他处理情绪;最后,解决实际问题。

  1、稳定自己的情绪,不被他的坏脾气牵着走。有点像打太极拳,对方发过来的“坏脾气”,不是正面接,而是侧身化解,即不把对方的“坏脾气”看成是针对自己,而是他情绪烦躁的结果。2、帮他表达情绪。当看到他处在负性情绪(痛苦、生气、暴躁、郁闷)中,帮他表达出来,如“你看起来很生气是吗?”或“你看起来情绪很低落,遇到不顺心的事了吗?”

  3、愿意陪伴和倾听。当对方处在情绪中,切忌自己表现的比他还情绪化。应该安详缓慢地动作,语气轻缓地说话。“你这样做我知道有你的理由,我很担心你,愿意跟我说说吗?”。或者什么也不说,只是陪伴,让他感觉你的心在就可以了。

  4、对他说的表示好奇+不知道。当他一旦说起来,全心倾听即可,对不明白的事或没有听懂的事提问就行,提问是帮助自己弄明白他说的,但不是提问自己想知道的事。更不要好为人师,给对方讲道理、出主意,也不要反驳他。你关心的是这个人,而不是关心他做了什么事,尤其不要去评价事情的对错。要相信这段时间会过去,他有能力战胜困难。这样做是帮助他宣泄情绪,在讲述中重新了解自己、关系和环境。

  5、当对方的情绪平复,再帮助其解决实际问题。这时候可以给出自己的建议或看法,帮助对方认识他自身就有的但被忽略的力量和资源,表达自己能为这事做些什么。我认为这是专业咨询师的活,让一个没有受过专业训练的人来做,的确是个挑战,好在,没有谁比你更关心你的爱人,这是最有力量的。加油!我支持你,并祝福你们。


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